Lying in bed, watching a lesser Ingmar Bergman film with you. We’ve had an LSD- fueled ‘serious conversation’ and have figured out that this thing does not have a future. I love you. You want to be friends.
I like these dull platonic afternoons, my indifference next to yours. I couldn’t feel closer to anyone. The most intimate thing about a person is their sense of boredom.
Later I’m editing the footage. You’re acting, or just standing in front of a landscape. Video is the way I engage with the men I can’t have.
When the feelings are gone the files remain: a face looking confused and mildly uncomfortable in 1080p HD. What will happen as recording devices evolve? The bed and your laptop, our bodies close but not touching, 3D scanned and printed in a scale of 1:10.
Us modeled and turned into an interactive multimedia CD-ROM: the CD-ROM will come with mood altering substances. You will feel chilly, fatigued, vaguely melancholic; your system will remind you that you have a plane to catch tomorrow, that it’s unclear when you’ll see him again—maybe not in a year.
You will gain 200 experience points by trying to hold his hand. He will refuse. Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.
Jaakko Pallasvuo is a Wi-Fi based artist working with moving image, writing, image files and speech.